10 THINGS I DISCOVERED: WEEK 15

  1. Apparently tea cozies are different than beer koozies. Why would someone give a slightly different name to something that’s so similar? One’s to keep it warm, and one’s to keep it cold? Did they intend on making me look stupid in front of my southern counterparts? Did they WANT me to look like a Californian tea drinker? Whatever. So rude.
  2. Y’all. There are snakes out here. I really can’t talk about it or I will be on the first plane to wherever there are no snakes.. But my neighbors have indeed informed me that they exist. And don’t tell me that they aren’t poisonous BECAUSE I DON’T CARE. They still make me want to light myself on fire. I also purchased $150 of various snake repellents on Amazon that may or may not do a single thing.
  3. There is a historical place here called The Hermitage. It was home to president Andrew Jackson and it’s pronounced like Hermitedge. In one quickly spoken word. So just a quick heads up if you come here from LA, do NOT pronounce it like L’Hermitage (L’Air-mi-taj) or you will sound like a real asshole. 
  4. My friend just got a gel manicure and gel pedicure for $110 WTF LOL.
  5. BUT gas is now $2.05.
  6. There is a state or county fair every week. I can’t even keep up. I feel like there are even state fairs for OTHER states.
  7. John finally gave in and had to register his car in TN – but the upside is they have the greatest license plate options EVER. You just flip through a book, pick which one you want, and they pull it out of a drawer. Kind of like getting an ice cream cake at Baskin Robins.
  8. I found an AMAAAAAZING store in Cool Springs, and Cool Springs is the least cool place of all time. It’s 15 minutes away from our house and as close to White’s Mercantile as you can get outside of Nashville proper. Separate post coming soon.
  9. My neighbors drive around with boxed wine and red cups in their car because YOU NEVER KNOW. 
  10. I’ve been told I’ll need Uggs. 

10 THINGS I DISCOVERED: WEEK 14

  1. There is a ONE lane underpass for TWO WAY TRAFFIC. With a blind curve and no mirrors to see oncoming cars. Which means you are driving down the street and all of a sudden approach an underpass tunnel with blinking lights, warning you that THERE IS TWO WAY TRAFFIC FOR ONE LANE. WTF. I was told the proper protocol is to honk while you’re driving through so the car on the other side can hear you….because they can’t see you…. and will know to wait their turn. HAHAH OKAY. Sure. Sounds like a really well thought out plan.
  2. Okra appears to be the food controversy of the south. In LA, people sometimes debate the merit of cilantro.. and whether it ruins food or makes it better. But Okra seems to put people in two camps: Your mom makes it just right, or the thought of it inspires nausea. 
  3. The Franklin Farmers Market has booth after booth of vegan, raw, organic, gluten-free errrrythang. Also a booth for tie-dye apparel. Who knew it would be like living in San Francisco?
  4. I have seen only 2 people in cowboy hats in 3 months and believe me, I’ve been looking. 
  5. I live in such fear of freak torrential storms that I bought a $29 rain jacket at COSTCO to keep in my car.
  6. Peaches are officially out of season, but humidity didn’t get the memo about summer being over.
  7. My daughter can watch Frozen 3 times in a row for days on end. This is not a southern discovery, I’m just impressed by her stamina.
  8. Dinner guests bring gifts. Really really nice gifts. I can usually be counted on to bring a bottle of wine, but it looks like I’m going to need to step up my game.  
  9. Gas is $2.20 – but my manicure and pedicure costs $75. What is happening.
  10. 311 DAYS UNTIL TRADER JOES CARRIES WINE!!!!!!!!!!!! 

10 THINGS I DISCOVERED: WEEK 6

1. Garden & Gun is the real name of a real magazine. But what’s more – it’s a CHIC magazine. My west coast snobbery refuses to believe this is possible, but it is. Like Southern Living meets Town and Country meets girls who I’m pretty sure shoot guns.

Garden & Gun

2. Someone told me it’s humid here in the WINTER. Is that possible? Are they trying to get me to leave town? I can’t figure this one out.

3. Carnton Plantation in Franklin was home to the bloodiest battle of the Civil War, and oh right, we came very close to buying a house next door without knowing this information. WHOOPS! Don’t like ghosts.

4. We have a college football team named the Tennessee Volunteers. Part two of this piece of information is that apparently we aren’t supposed to be Volunteers fans since they aren’t any good, but I feel like the person who told me this is conspiring with the girl who told me it’s humid in the winter.

5. This one’s embarrassing… but while we are on the topic of sports teams, I learned the hard way we have a hockey team called the Predators. SOMEONE needs to inform the NHL that when out-of-towners are googling facts about their new city, it’s super creepy to keep seeing sites dedicated to Nashville Predators. I honestly thought it was like a neighborhood watch group for sex offenders.

6. THERE IS A PLACE THAT SELLS WINE ON SUNDAY! One place. Just one. The Winery at Belle Meade Plantation. Since it’s technically a non-profit (all proceeds benefit the historic plantation), they are able to still sell wine on Sundays. I think you can all expect me filing for 501c3 status shortly. I am going to be SO CHARITABLE.

The Winery at Belle Meade

7. Not everyone drives American cars and trucks here. I genuinely thought I was going to have to sell my Audi and get a Chevy lest I be judged. File this under the many dumb things Clea assumed.

8. A bug flew on my porch this week that can only be described as a cross between an orange moth, butterfly, and velociraptor.  I still can’t talk about it.

9. That sound I keep hearing at night.. turns out it’s frogs. Who knew.

10. If you eat 3 biscuits each week you will gain weight.