10 THINGS I DISCOVERED: WEEK 17-18

Look, I missed a week or two of posts.. But read my last entry and you’ll see why. I’ve just been busy! And don’t you want me to be busy? So I’m not just your loser friend who moved to Nashville and binge watches reality TV while drinking champagne? Okay fine, I do that too. Now without further adieu:

  1. I went to temple on Yom Kippur (there ARE jews here) and the temple is called The Temple. Because what would you confuse it with? Another temple? Nope.
  2. I just found out that Sheryl Crow bought a CHURCH on EBAY and had it shipped to her Nashville house. When I say house, I think it’s more like kingdom of barns and architectural digest mansion – but I haven’t been, so let’s just call it a house. Still, she bought a church on ebay. And paid for shipping. Even Kanye West hasn’t done that. 
  3. Speaking of churches, I’ve discovered two types of Sunday traffic patterns: Utterly deserted and flying around town like you own the city, and DEAD STOPPED because church just let out. Avoid the latter.
  4. Pretty much everyone I have become friends with in Nashville is married to a Jeffrey or a Jermey. I have no idea who is who so as their name is coming out of my mouth its a 50% chance I’m getting it wrong.
  5. I went to brunch at Josephine, a restaurant in 12 South. I ordered the J’breakfast. The waitress was relatively mortified and told me it was the “J Breakfast” and not to be an uppity french asshole. My bad! Also, missed opportunity Josephine… J’breakfast is tres chic.
  6. I was told “you can’t swing a dead cat” is a southern expression… Well let me say for the record, it’s a GROSS one. But fine, I looked it up, because that’s what I do.. And the etymology is from the Mark Twain book Innocents Abroad. The book is about being abroad. Not in the South. But do we take credit for all things Mark Twain? Like how we take credit for all things Taylor Swift? What the hell, add it to the list.
  7. Taylor Swift, her holiness, came to town and IT WAS THE MOST FUN NIGHT EVER. Like, ever. I went on Friday and saw her perform with Steven Tyler and thought it was the best. Then John shot the second night and Mick Jagger came out. So number 1, a night of marital difficulty. Number 2, I want to kill myself just thinking about it. Here’s one of John’s show-offy-look-how-great-life-is pics. 
  8. Don’t hate me but gas is $1.95… It just keeps on dropping!!! Like will it be free one day? I DON’T KNOW!!!!
  9. A couple of days ago it was really windy and there was some pollen fluttering around the house. Stella thought it was snow. This might not go well in the winter!
  10. You can ship lox and bagels from New York. I know this because I just organized someone’s house where he had a file of lox and bagel receipts. #goals 

10 THINGS I DISCOVERED: WEEK 4

1. There are at least three Jews in Nashville, and potentially more. I had lunch with two of them, and between the three of us, we might be able to start our own congregation.

2. Roundabouts. WTF. It’s a miracle I haven’t been in multiple car accidents because every day is an adventure in driving.

3. All sodas are called “cokes.” Which is very confusing, because to me, there are a lot of sodas that are not in fact cokes. But that’s just me and I am no longer living in me-world.

4. “No you’re fine!” is the way people say “that’s okay” or “don’t worry” here. This is the phrase I’ve had the hardest time incorporating because it just does NOT want to roll off my tongue. And I’m telling you, it’s more common than saying y’all. I make 1,000,000 mistakes each day so I get a LOT of “no you’re fine!’s”

5. It’s not THE 65. It’s just 65. Or 440. Or whatever highway (interstate? I don’t know what it’s called!!?!) is named. This might also be the hardest thing I say each day because it feels so unnatural. I don’t think I will ever get it right ughghghg.

6. Pimento cheese. It tastes good if you don’t read the ingredients.

7. Horn honking is not accepted unless you are literally seconds from colliding with another car.

8. Not EVERYONE is nice here because there was that one jerk from West Eim. Almost everyone else is though.

9. There are only two Trader Joes in the state of Tennessee. I live 25 minutes from said Trader Joes and make a pilgrimage every week.

10. Mosquito bites are like having chicken pox, but every day.